Now that you know that you should ask a guy where you stand with him, how exactly should you do it? Many people are scared to have this conversation because they want to know the truth if it’s good news, but they don’t if it’s not.
Unfortunately, you can’t control whether or not he is going to be freaked out by this DTR conversation. All you can do is speak your truth, ask for what you want, and take the risk. And it’s better to do it sooner and not later to avoid any potential misunderstandings, resentment, or conflict.
So, how should you initiate this conversation?
1. Think about what you want to say first
If you’re nervous about the conversation, prepare what you are going to say ahead of time. That way, you will know what is important to say, and you won’t fumble through your words. You will also come across as more confident and self-assured.
2. Be emotionally prepared
You have to be prepared for the possibility that he might not want to have this DTR conversation. He might try to avoid it like the plague.
But if he does, that is a huge red flag. That means he doesn’t want to define the relationship, which means he doesn’t want any type of label. Instead, he just wants to do whatever he wants to do with whoever he wants to do it with.
3. Act like it’s not a big deal
When you are initiating the DTR conversation, you don’t want to freak him out right away. So, act as if the discussion isn’t a big deal. Don’t start it with, “can we talk” or “we need to talk about something.” That will make him feel fearful and defensive of what’s to come.
4. Have the conversation when you are ready
There’s no right or wrong time to have this conversation about the boundaries in your relationship. It can be early on, or you can wait a while. Do whatever feels right to you.
5. Don’t make any demands or put pressure on him
This is a conversation about boundaries and limitations. If he’s not ready to have the conversation, you can’t force him to. He might not be ready for the kind of commitment you’re ready for. And if he’s not, then you need to choose what to do next.
6. Be honest
If you want exclusivity or commitment, be honest about it. Don’t beat around the bush because that makes you seem weak. Instead, stand up for your truth. Love yourself enough to be able to walk away if he doesn’t want the same thing you do.
7. Respect their response and wishes
If he isn’t interested in being exclusive or committed to you, there’s nothing you can really do about it. Don’t try to change his mind because that will just push him away even more.
He’s allowed to have his own reaction and his own feelings. If the two of you are not on the same page, don’t give in to him. Respect yourself enough to walk away and find someone who wants the same thing you do.
Doing it right
If you know what you want, you cannot be afraid of asking for it. You don’t have to wait for him to let you know when he’s ready. Even if a guy does want a relationship with you, he may not say anything for his own fear of rejection.
You’ll only get what you want if you are willing to go for it and deal with an answer you may not want.