At the point when you perceive a region where your accomplice can further develop something important to them, or when something really doesn’t add up about them you need to change to fortify your relationship, you want to defy them about it.
Yet, taking analysis is hard for everybody, and simply proclaiming what you maintain that they should change can feel like an assault. Utilize these tips to make your analysis helpful, and you’ll track down a considerably more open audience.
#1 Write it down first.
You’re not an objective entertainer while censuring your life partner, and your feelings can swing while you raise the subject. That multitude of focuses you had thought out in advance can vanish at the time. You’ll most likely be apprehensive, and you might treat your focuses excessively and offer up a frail contention.
Before you go up against them, record what you need to say. You could try and ponder rehearsing it without holding back a couple of times before the genuine discussion. Whenever you’ve chosen what you need to say, don’t self-edit at the time. The discussion will go a lot of smoother in the event that you’re not staggering over your words.
#2 A spoonful of sugar. A great way to take the rough edges off of a criticism is to offer it with a compliment. This makes someone feel less like they’re under attack. It needs to be a sincere compliment though, or it will make the situation worse.
If you think your partner needs to be nicer to one of your friends, start the conversation by complimenting them on some situation where they were really friendly to someone.
If you understand some of the reasons why they’re mean to that person, empathize with them. Tell them you know how that friend can be sometimes, but they’re an important person in your life, and your partner needs to be kinder to them.
#3 Stay calm and controlled. It can be difficult, but it’s crucial to keep your emotions under control when you’re offering a criticism of your partner. Losing your temper will only lead to a fight, and any advice you gave will be totally ignored.
If you feel like your talk isn’t going well, it’s better to abort the mission than have an argument. Even if they are getting angry, you’ve got to keep it together. When they’ve calmed down later, hopefully they will realize that they were out of line.
#4 Check your language. The way you phrase your criticism is often as important as the criticism itself. If it sounds like you’re ordering your significant other to do something different, they won’t respond well at all. But if you can gauge your language, you will take off the rough edges of the advice you’re giving and make them more receptive.
Don’t be too direct and say “You do this…” Instead, begin with “It seems to me…” Use conditionals like “What if you…” instead of direct suggestions like “You have to…” or “You should…”
You probably already use subtle language tricks like this all the time whether you realize it or not. When you sit down to have this kind of talk in your relationship, make sure you do it.
#5 Keep it light. One way to keep the situation from getting out of control is to keep it light. Don’t present your criticism as something major. If you can even just mention it in passing instead of having a big sit down talk, the advice may be received better. Be careful though, as doing this constantly will just seem like nagging.
#6 Look at the bright side.
At the point when you offer useful analysis to your accomplice, you’re normally bringing up a deficiency about them. Assuming that is all you do in your discussion, it tends to be extremely dampening to them. Attempt to guide out certain times toward them when they didn’t do what you’re reprimanding them about.
This completes two things: It assists them with resting easier thinking about themselves, and not very much like a disappointment. It additionally shows them that they as of now can do better. You don’t need to go about as though you were conversing with a kid. Simply make certain to propose a positive to counter the negative.
#7 Pick your spots. Timing is everything, and that’s certainly true about choosing when to bring up your criticism. On the one hand, you don’t want to spoil a nice occasion by angering your partner or risking a fight. On the other hand, if your partner is already stressed or having a bad day, criticizing them can feel like salt in the wound.
Choose a neutral time, when you’re neither celebrating anything, nor in a bad mood. Try to avoid any contentious topics right before bed, as you don’t want to lose sleep over it.
Also, don’t bring it up before a meal when you’re both hungry. People are generally at their most irritable before meals, and generally won’t take criticism well.
#8 Playing along. You can make your criticism easier to take by opening yourself up to be criticized as well. The way to do this is an activity, where you each write down three things you would like your partner to work on changing about themselves. By showing you can accept constructive criticism, it will make your partner more open to receiving it.
Even if you don’t have any pressing criticism to give, doing this occasionally can strengthen your relationship by addressing problems while they’re still small. It can also serve as good practice for accepting criticism in a mature way. And finally, it can help foster a culture of communication in your relationship that will guarantee less fighting, and more loving.
#9 Know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em.
The last suggestion is to know when that’s it. In the event that it appears as though there are 1,000,000 easily overlooked details about your accomplice that you need to change, or a couple of significant ones you might want to change yet can’t, it could be an ideal opportunity to continue on.
You really should comprehend that you can’t fundamentally alter somebody, and in some cases, you simply need to acknowledge them for how they are.
On the off chance that you understand that your accomplice can’t change a few characteristics that you could do without, you need to find out if you can live with it. In the event that you would be able, then work on becoming accustomed to it. Also, on the off chance that you can’t, then, at that point, now is the ideal time to tap out